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Nr. 41

It’s windy and raining today. Quite the contrast from the heatwave this summer and almost poetically synchronized with the change that’s happening within me. I’m still in bed. I haven’t managed to get up today which is shameful, but I just couldn’t no matter how much I tried. That’s not true...I probably could if I had to. 

It’s been such a strange day in regards to my past which I would love to write about, but seeing as this is open for anyone to read I can’t really say that much about it. Not that I think the people involved even knows about this blog, but it would be inconsiderate of me. I still care very much for everyone involved. 

That was really unnecessary to say, but it’s my blog, written for me, so it’s ok. 

I’m still losing weight which I think is both good and dangerous. Good because I feel lighter and fit into old clothes again, but dangerous because of the fast rate I’m losing pounds. I have a goal in mind, and I can be quite tenacious in reaching that. I have sort of done this before, but with a much more rigorous workout routine, which I’m just not physically able to do now. 

However, I do think that this whole weight loss thing can be me subconsciously punishing myself as a result of perfectionism. It’s taking my body through a drastic and fast paced change which probably isn’t the healthiest way to go, but I do it anyway because...maybe I don’t care if I get ill or damaged. Hmm. 

Like I said...a strange day. 


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