Skip to main content

Nr. 43

I don’t really have that much to say today. Not that I’m sad or anything like that, but I had a very long night yesterday. All very lovely and nice. Time flew by today and I almost forgot to write. Which is both wonderful and terrible at the same time! Maybe tomorrow my brain will be able to string coherent sentences together. Today I’m just gonna bask in the moment and enjoy my Sunday, no thinking, just feeling.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Nr. 54

Right now it’s half an hour until my psychiatry appointment. I’m on the bus. The radio is humming Scorpions with ‘Wind of Change’. How serendipitous or ironic. I also forgot my coke bottle at home. Great.   Going from the two hour conversation with my Dad about renovation and other practical things to explaining deep emotional and psychological turmoil will be interesting. Oddly enough I see that as a challenge which bodes well. I’m slightly more optimistic about this session than my first. But I’m still not yet settled. It feels frightening. Not to talk about things, but to fail.  Well, at least I’m here now. Lets do this then.  Edit: a stranger smiled at me today. It’s interesting how incredibly powerful such a small thing can be. Thank you. ❤️
Post a Comment
Read more

Nr. 60

Next month I’m attending a wedding. I’ve been so busy thinking about practical things (like finding a suit to wear and what to bring as it is for a weekend getaway) that I didn’t realize until now that I actually need to socialize. Meaning talk about my current situation. I’m officially on sick leave due to depression which isn’t really the most festive conversation starter at a wedding (or any event really). As much as I really want to celebrate my friends getting married, I simultaneously feel stressed as to have I’m gonna phrase this. I know there are people out there with far greater difficulties than me, even within my friend circle probably, which makes me even more frustrated about my worry. I’m positive I will get through it of course. I even know despite my definite self torment of reviewing my ‘performance’ I will get by.  But I still feel slightly anxious about it. I used to be ok attending events with strangers when I could smalltalk about my work and then swiftly...
Post a Comment
Read more

Nr. 23

I’ve noticed an increase in my perfectionism. It’s subtle and not entirely destructive. Or perhaps it is but more indirectly if that’s the case. I have started to multitask quite ferociously. I noticed the other day that whenever I do something, like say cooking, I also use my iPad to read or watch something. I bring it with me and do the cooking automatically. I also do this whilst watching a TV-show...I have my iPhone and I read news articles at the same time. I am able to concentrate on both things but I might be more detached emotionally if I’m watching something. And I guess herein lies the crux of it. It feels l might be either avoiding or protecting my emotions at the moment. Distracting myself. And I know that just watching some tv-show or movie won’t do it alone, I need to fully immerse myself, all the time.  I have also theorized that perfectionism might be one of the reasons I stay up so late and refuse to sleep; I want to avoid missing out and rather utilize a...
Post a Comment
Read more