Skip to main content

Nr. 53

I promised not to write about depression. I might break that promise for a short, and I’m sure regrettable, segment. 

6 hours of low...perhaps the longest I’ve ever had to fight it off so far. 

I’m tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of supposedly being strong. All I wanted after this was to rest but now plans have changed and there will be no opportunity to sleep. 


It’s all complaining and fucking whining. This might be the first post I’ll delete or edit. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Nr. 42

Although the media is dominated by politics these days every so often I do read about either shootings, terror attacks in the Middle East or Asia, and natural disasters causing mass deaths. When these things happen in the western world social media is flooded with thoughts and prayers, profile photos with a flagged face and so forth. I don’t really mind that, and I could write another post about why we do this and why those reasons are benign even if riddled with ulterior motives. What I want to address though is the people who are upset as to why we are not showing the same outrage and empathy when it happens in third world countries. And there is a point to that, however, it doesn’t mean everyone doesn’t care whether people die or not. It’s natural that the impact of people closer to you have significantly stronger emotional pull than those further away. You might say it’s different if it’s family or friends but fellow citizens are still strangers equally to those farther away. And...
Post a Comment
Read more

Nr. 48

Last night I found an old video on my phone that someone had sent me on the day before Christmas. It was a short clip of The Snowman, probably my favorite Christmas cartoon of all time (I also have a soft spot for Donald’s Snow Fight!). They had filmed the TV directly and it was from the moment they fly and the song ‘Walking in the Air” begins.  The reason this is my favorite is that I always used to watch it with my mother and sister during Christmas. My sister often cried as the story is quite sad. We all loved the song. When I was older (at the ripe age of 24 I think) I made my mom a framed cross stitching embroidery of the boy and the snowman. It wasn’t the best gift, but it made her happy. A little over a year later her cancer got worse and we were told she only had a matter of weeks left. I visited her at the hospital a few times and we talked about everything including The Snowman. I wish I had the courage to visit every day, but it was hard for me to see her, which re...
Post a Comment
Read more

Nr. 64

Nr. 64 I’ve known for quite some time now how little I care about myself. It’s one of the reasons why I had no problem giving everything of myself to others, as I feel I have nothing worth saving for myself (which has opened my eyes to one big reason why my relationships hasn’t work out, but that’s another story). It sounds awfully self pitying, except that I don’t really feel sorry for myself nor do expect others to either. I can change the way I think about or view myself, but that would be trying to mask or bypass what’s objectively true. Normally I would be ok with this ridiculous dejection, but when it is combined with a ‘low’ it can turn quite unappetizing and worth hiding. I have a small core base of people willing to help me. Who are waiting for my call. Even though at this point it’s like waiting for Godot. Even my psychiatrist asked me the other day why I didn’t call when I was at my worst last week. I couldn’t really give her a good answer. Pride? Stubbornness? Or pe...
Post a Comment
Read more