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Nr. 34

Yesterday at 9:30pm I spontaneously decided to go for a bike ride. I haven’t done that in a while so it felt refreshing to just be able to trod along wherever my impulse would bring me. 

It brought me to the grave of my sister and mother. Now, before you think ‘oh no, another post about this!’ I must assure you that it all went ok. I parked my bike outside the cemetery and walked over to where the water buckets are placed. I never really do that. I actually rarely go to their grave. But I just felt this was an appropriate thing to do that night. I filled the bucket up to the brim and poured some on to the neighboring graves as well. It was a new one further down the hill and I walked over to see it belonged to a fairly young man around my age. It instantly made me realize how fortunate I was to still be alive. Not thinking ‘that could’ve been me’ but rather the pain this person’s loved ones must feel right now. I have been one of those and in a way I still am, even for this stranger. I sat down by a nearby bench and contemplated this empathy. Why I felt it and if it was pure or with egocentric intent. I may have been highly influenced by my current read by Bertrand Russell... 

I sat there for what must’ve been a half hour or so and decided it was time to start thinking of my return trip. I thought about my family and promised myself I would try hard to find a purpose and be a better man than I have been. Maybe I need more of these spontaneous trips.


Oh, I also met a cat...❤️

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